Shall we???
Of course we shall!
"But this is a diet blog??!!" you say incredulously.. Oh contraire Monfraire,,, this is a life diet blog and in my experience men have had a lot to do with dieting in my life.. Sad.. But true..
I am "that " girl,,, "that" girl with the pretty face (Not to kick up credit or anything because I aged like a petulant sloth). But all of my life when I was heavier I always heard:
"If only you were thinner,, you have such a beautiful face!"
I heard these comments from damn near everyone. It begins to define you and gnaw at your inner being in the dark places of your soul where you rock back and forth and eat Spam from a dented can whilst singing "Loser" by Beck. Yeah, THAT place is filled with those comments.
It was always impressed upon me that my weight was an issue even back in the day (around 10 or so) when my parents took a picture of me scarfing down a bag of Lay's potato chips at a lake whilst donning a perfectly 70's tropical bathing suit. Apparently my innocent gluttony was a funny thing to show people and should be saved for posterity, of course..
I still see that child clearly in my mind, crooked bangs and all, oblivious to the gravity that appearance issues would play in her life. She was free for the moment and confident enough to "drink" a the crumbs out of a bag of chips in public. But not for long.
All the way through school I was heavier. I was up and down and in high school and bullied for it. I had a core group of great friends but I was still bullied. In 11th grade I rode a bus to a vocational school for half days. I was the only girl on that bus. Being that I have a pretty screwed up sense of humor, I did make friends with these guys but there was one new kid,, Ronnie,, who stood up at the front of the bus to make it known that my appearance was hideous.
He told 2 jokes about me that changed me. I will spare you the gory details. The boys on the bus and my brother ended up kicking his ass. But it still effected me and I started a weight loss journey. And by weight loss journey I mean purging, starvation and an OCD exercising kick. I rode my exercise bike in my room so much that I still can't feel parts of my rear end!
But it worked. I started rapidly losing and people started to notice. Sadly the bulk of my weight seemed to drop off a few months AFTER I graduated. So I never had the experience of what it felt like to be popular whilst in school. But out of school, at my new weight was an entirely different thing. I felt it, I basked in it and although I never was able to see my self as "thin" the attention I was getting was unbelievable.
I still remember the first time I actually realized I might have a nice shape after the initial loss. I was in a grocery store and I caught a glimpse of my waist in a mirror behind the rows of Merita bread. I stood there looking and analyzing my reflection until my dad smacked me on the back of the head. Guys weren't an issue now. I could play the field with a manufactured confidence. But there was this one thing. I was already in love with someone.
*pow*
I had to deal with that.
My best friend was a diva and drop dead gorgeous. I was always in a transfixed state of jealousy and awe at how she was able to maneuver men in her life. Because of her looks and sparkling personality we had accrued a bevy of nice looking men (I just love me a nice bevy of men don't you?). I was only a spectator in that accrual until after my weight loss journey.
We had a guy in our immediate circle of friends named "Mickey". He was a constant in my social life for 2 years and I was INFATUATED with this punk. He WOULD be mine.
*Stay tuned for Part deux of this post... "The Mickey Saga" next time on:
This FatTASTICAL Life!
No comments:
Post a Comment